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Hi, I’m Uncle Sam and I’m a spendaholic

April 26, 2011

I didn’t want to admit that I had problem. It started with just a few million here and there. Some subsidies for well intended programs that would help thousands of people like farmers, hungry families, pregnant women, and the unemployed. I really didn’t think it would hurt anyone. I mean, hey, look at all the cash in my economy. I never dreamed I could run out.  I thought I could control myself.

And then one day it happened. I added a few more programs like Tarp, Stimulus, and “Obamacare,” and the family went nuts! They started screaming at me, that they’d had enough and couldn’t take it anymore. They showed up at my house and all across the land brandishing signs and flags with the slogan “Don’t Tread on Me.” I hadn’t seen that one since I was a young boy.

They even got together and had an intervention. It has been a little over five months since then and I’m still a bit foggy, but I’m starting to see the damage more clearly. I realize that I was listening to the wrong people and ideas. Keynes was telling me that I could spend my way out of the problem. Progressives were saying that redistributing the wealth was a good thing and that there are a few of my relatives that have plenty of cash available.

So here I am today, standing before you and confessing that I’m Uncle Sam and I’m a spendaholic.

I can’t thank my Tea Party buddies enough for all of their tireless devotion and patience with me. I know they love me or they wouldn’t have gone to all the trouble. It is with their encouragement and support that I enter into this 12 step program and promise that I will do my utmost to walk the straight and narrow for all of my family.

I Uncle Sam:

  1. Admit that I and my children-Democrat and Republican-are powerless over our addiction and that our debt has become unsustainable.
  2. Realize that there is a higher power greater than myself-The People-that can restore the nation to sanity.
  3. Decide to turn my will and my ways over to the care of the People and their Creator.
  4. Will make a searching and fearless fiscal inventory of my spendthrift ways.
  5. Admit to the People and myself the exact nature of my wrongs.
  6. Am entirely ready to do the will of the People and pay off all the debt and deficits.
  7. Humbly ask the People to forgive my shortcomings and will act now to cut spending and balance the budget.
  8. Will create a list of all of the legislation and regulation that has harmed the People and will make amendments.
  9. Will make direct amends to other countries for abandoning my values and principles wherever possible, except when to do so would harm their citizens.
  10. Will continue to accept oversight, with transparency and accountability, and when wrong, will promptly admit my mistake and correct it.
  11. Will seek with diligence and humility to improve my relationship with the People, accepting their will for me and promptly carrying it out.
  12. Having had an electoral awakening as a result of the midterm intervention, will hold myself accountable and practice these principles in all my affairs.

I know it will take some time to right the wrongs I have committed, but with the help of my friend Paul Ryan and his plan, I am confident that I can win back your trust.

Thanks for all your prayers, love, and support.


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