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Trick or Treat

October 29, 2010

Remember when you were a kid and went out trick or treating on Halloween.  I have some fond memories of that time. We’d dress up in costumes, walk all over my small town after dark—since we weren’t as afraid of our neighbors as we seem to be now—and collect candy.  It didn’t get much better than that.  I remember a few neighbors who went all out.  Their houses were decorated with tombstones, ghosts, skeletons, and the glow of eerily carved pumpkins.  When you rang the doorbell, they’d answer in full Halloween regalia.  Sure there were the few bullies who’d egg a house, smash a pumpkin, or steal a bag, but for the most part, it was a fun night.

Ah, how I long for simpler times. I think it’s ironic that our national election is held two days after Halloween.  It seems apropos with all the masks the politicians wear, the treats they offer, and the tricks they pull.  Maybe we should vote on October 31st instead.  At least when they egg our Constitution, smash our economy, and steal our wealth and that of future generations, we may get a piece of candy, or is that a lump of coal—no, too much CO2.

You know how the cable channels run their “13 days of Halloween” movie nights?  In honor of our new election day, I thought I would compile a list of the top chillers:

 13:  Nightmare on Main Street – starring Barney Frank and Chris Dodd, directed by Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid, and Barack Obama, from K Street Productions in conjunction with Wall Street Films. Nest eggs across the country are dropping like flies, apparently in the grip of mass spending causing their destruction. The current President tries to pin the problem on George W. Bush who was tarped alive by angry citizens many years before. Bush has now come back in the dreams of his opponents, as a useful scapegoat for their claims of blame.

 12: Children of the Congress – Starring the Senate and House, from Special Interests Pictures.  Joe the Plumber and his wife fall prey to a malevolent urban cult comprised of profligate spending politicians in this adaptation of the terrifying short story by political horror icon David Axelrod. The year is 2010: Joe the Plumber and his wife Jane are on a sightseeing trip when they stumble into Washington, DC. Unbeknownst to them, this national treasure has been overtaken by an unspeakable ruling elite. Under the wicked influence of adolescent speaker Pelosi and her mallet-wielding henchman Reid, the Democratic children of DC have sacrificed all the wealth in the country to He Who Lives In the White House.  A kind Tea Party and their allies battle the evil force, free the country, and flip the Congress.

11: Pelosi’s Baby – With a facelift gone bad, Nancy Pelosi and her struggling colleague Harry move to the Capitol building with an ominous reputation and odd occupants Dennis Kucinich, Alan Grayson,and Bernie Sanders. When Nancy becomes Speaker she becomes increasingly unpopular, and the diabolical truth is revealed only after Pelosi gives birth to her plans.

 10: Wealthbusters – Financial-hacks Fannie Mae, Freddie Mac and Ginnie Mae start a quasi-government organization called “Wealthbusters”, trapping homeowners in underwater mortgages and causing the entire US economy to collapse. Before long, the massively inept Wealthbusters are given a blank check to save the Country from the monster they’ve created!  “Who ya gonna call?”  Tea Party!

 9: The Washingtonville Horror – Based on the true story of Barack and Michelle Obama, the movie follows their troubled stay at their house in Washington, DC. Buying the house for a steal in the fall of 2008 because of an economic disaster, they move in to experience a series of increasingly disturbing political events. Eventually they are driven out. George, the previous occupant, had his license revoked because the house was supposedly built on conservative principles.

 8: Dawn of the Debt – A pandemic of known origins—spending—has caused the debt to rise!   The American people are being overwhelmed by zombie politicians who have created a debt of over $13,000,000,000,000, eating every economic opportunity in site and the wealth of future generations!  The ending is a cliff-hanger, leaving the audience wondering if the country survives!

 7: It Came From California – Starring Barbara Boxer.  Critics of all kinds agree that the classic line in this film comes when Boxer says to a Brigadier General, “Could you say ‘Senator’ instead of ‘Ma’am? It’s just a thing. I worked so hard to get that title. I’d appreciate it.”  The sequel is in jeopardy.

 6: The Island of Dr. Berwick – In a clandestine recess appointment, Dr. Berwick is appointed ruler over a menagerie of Americans whose wealth he redistributes through his healthcare chamber of horrors because he believes, “Any health care funding plan that is just, equitable, civilized and humane must — must — redistribute wealth from the richer among us to the poorer and the less fortunate. Excellent healthcare is by definition re-distributional.”  The product of his misguided love of state run healthcare like Britain’s NHS are patients dying from starvation and staff shortages, high mortality rates for cancer, death panels, a massive price tag, and huge tax increases. Into this surreal nightmare arrives the Tea Party, the survivors of an economic crash. Horrified by the monstrous bill and afraid for their country, Tea Partiers attend rallies and townhalls to escape Obamacare, but are foiled in the end by 219 Democrat lackeys. Eventually, an election is held to remove the lackeys from office, providing the opportunity for a peaceful and Constitutional rebellion.

 5: The Vanishing – Starring Ben Bernanke and Timothy Geithner, directed by Barack Obama. Americans search in vain for jobs and the people who took them. They finally meet up with the Democratic abductors, who seized the auto, finance, and insurance industries, along with spending over $800B in stimulus, promising that the unemployment rate wouldn’t rise above 8%, and massively growing the size and scope of government, placing the entire blame for the disappearances on George W. Bush and the minority Republican Party.

 4: The Exorcist – This movie has made the top of many critics’ list as the scariest movie of all time. The White House is possessed by a Democrat and the nation calls on the help of the Tea Party to save its soul.

 3: Polltergist – “They know what scares you”.  Directed by CBS, Zogby, and the LA Times.  They’re here!  A sleepy nation is first visited by what appears to be friendly pollsters. Before anyone can say “Reagan”, things turn nasty with predictions and prognostications made to demoralize voters and depress turnout by manipulating them into thinking their candidates can’t win.

 2: April the 15th – Starring the American taxpayer. This gripping tale of horror will keep you on the edge of your seat!  It’s October and only two months remain in the tax year when the Congress, controlled by a massive Democratic majority, announces it won’t vote to extend the Bush era tax cuts!  The country is gripped by the terror of their unknown fate, fearing a tsunami of taxes in the largest increase in US history with April the 15th only 6 months away!  Stash your cash!

 And my number one chiller was inspired by Rachel Maddow of MSNBC, who has an upcoming special entitled, “The Assassination of Dr. Tiller”. Dr. Tiller wasn’t “assassinated”, he was murdered.  Maddow’s attempt to imply that there exist pro-life forces lurking in the shadows actively conspiring and carrying out violence against abortion doctors—there have been six prominent cases in the past 20 years—is specious.  Let me be perfectly clear, murder is wrong!  Let me also present a thought for your contemplation: if you truly believe that life begins at conception, and that abortion is murder, then since 1973 almost 50 million murders have been committed—6 doctors verses 50 million preborn.  So here’s my number one horror flick based on a true story:

 

1: Infanticide – “Because in utero no one can hear you scream.”

 So grab some popcorn, sit back, and embrace the horror.  Or maybe, get up, get out, and vote your values…just a thought.

(Some movie synopsis content adapted from Fandango.)

Copyright 2010 Julie Schmidt.

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